Succession went a little better this time than the last time. One of the sons inherited Aquitaine, so they had enough issues that they didn't bother claiming Ireland. The heir I am now playing, Domnall II, King of Ireland actually controls a few vassals in Aquitaine. His youngest brother inherited the Duchy of Ulster.
This guy has basically no good points, besides the fact that he's a fantastic administrator. I guess collecting taxes is important, but really, not a very exciting strong point. he also has NEGATIVE prestige, something I think is pretty ridiculous for someone who is the freaking KING.
1162
The Duke of Ulster starts throwing his weight around, and angers his vassals. He sacks that bishop I had been trying to assassinate as the last king, and tries to push around the the Count of Ulster. However, this ends badly for him, and he's killed in battle. Luckily for me, he has no heirs, and I'm next in line to inherit the title! Thank the heavens for incompetence.
Those rebels in Aquitaine who fought my father are still fighting. My army is smaller than before, but still plenty large enough to put them in their place.
1163
Meanwhile, I'm not liking my wife so much... Domnall the Second wasn't under my character's control, so he joined someone else's court. Then he married someone who had no skills and was too old to produce children. Nice way to get heirs...
Luckily for me, no one likes her, so I start a plot to assassinate her. Well, when divorce isn't allowed, sometimes drastic measures are necessary...
An accomplice poisons her wine during a banquet. Success! I mean, darn, I totally wish I knew who was responsible for that...
1164
I've married Isabelle, Princess of France! She's apparently quite attractive. And also, half my age (33-16, about). Uh, things were different back then... >,>;
1165
My wife is pregnant! Huzzah!
...
Hey, stop judging me.
I'm marrying some of my sisters to forge some new alliances. Marrying one to a Prince of Poland. She's ambitious, so also trying to get her out of my court...
My son is born to his teenage mother!
...
I said stop judging me.
December 1165
And I've contracted syphilis.
Seriously, stop judging me.
1166
Well, something really really dumb happens. One of my vassals demands I hand the throne over to my uncle, who you may remember has been in jail for the past 15 years or so. There's no way the rebellion would succeed! Just gotta click the "Over my dead body!" button...
Oops, I clicked the "I surrender!" button. FUDGE.
Well, now I've lost most of my lands to my uncle who has no court and no loyalty of anyone and no armies! Great! Everyone with a claim on the throne just throws their hat in the ring and go at it! None of my allies want to help! This is just peachy!
I declare a rebellion, as well, and demand my throne back, but of course my uncle is not going to give it to me.
Winning the war would have been easy, except my brother, King of Aquitaine, is sending thousands of troops ashore, and the King of Scotland is pressing the claim of his Queen. The Queen of Scotland happens to be my cousin, from one of the political marriages I had made earlier. Not only that, some random Scottish Duke of the Isles ALSO has a claim! I don't even know this guy! WTF GET OFF MY LAWN!
Unfortunately, between Scots and the Island people, there are 17 thousand foreign troops taking over everything. I hire a bunch of Swiss mercenaries to reinforce my now meager army. We siege the capital of Dublin, and I lay in wait...
Unfortunately, this time I run out of money to pay the mercenaries. And seeing how making money is the whole point of being a mercenary, they rebel. And start invading Ireland. RAAAAAAAAARGH
They easily crush my army, and I have no choice but to wait until I have enough forces and money to hire MORE mercenaries to fight the first ones! Jeez!
1172
After waiting around for a couple years, I finally have enough troops and money to get rid of the stupid Swiss mercenaries. By this time, Scotland has won the war for Ireland. The forces of Aquitaine have been drained.
However, the Duke of the Isles presses his claim further! And now that my cousin is on the throne of Ireland, her husband has no interest in defending it! The armies of Ireland have been depleted such that the Queen must relinquish her vassals in Aquitaine! So once again, there are thousands of troops laying waste to the country side! RARGH!
I've started another independence faction, and married my son to a princess of Navarra, but they're too busy fighting the Muslims to help me do anything. Without an army, the Queen must give up her throne to the Duke of the Isles. Peace returns to the land, under a foreign ruler. The nobles are restless. I send my council to attempt to gain their loyalty for another civil war. Let's see if I can take back what I accidentally gave up...
To be continued
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